Shutting the Mouths of Liars

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

As I began this morning with prayer, I opened to the psalms and prayed with Psalms 63 & 64. Psalm 63 is a psalm about ardent longing for God; thinking of Him day and night, yearning and thirsting for Him. But the last three verses of this psalm switch the focus of this topic rather starkly:

“But those who seek my life will come to ruin; they shall go down to the depths of the earth! They shall be handed over to the sword and become the prey of jackals! But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by the Lord shall exult, for the mouths of the liars will be shut!” Psalm 63:10-12

I honestly didn’t catch this at first, and proceeded to Psalm 64, which is exclusively about malicious deceivers being punished by God. I was reading this psalm, and realizing that the dread foes, the ‘mob of evil doers’, these conspirators, are not flesh and blood enemies. Praying against our enemies and evil doers, is praying against the demons and the devils themselves! But also - and importantly – for me, it means praying against the thoughts inside my own head that tell me I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not holy enough; I’m weak, I’m hopeless, I’m unloved, etc. All of these are lies. I know this, and yet, I still believe them! On a daily basis I believe them. I am encouraged praying these psalms against my enemies with the view that I’m not praying against flesh and blood enemies (though, I do also pray that those who perpetrate evil in this world will absolutely be stopped), but I am praying against all of the invisible powers that come against me that attempt (and too often succeed) to drag me down, and make me feel less than and not good enough. Praying against the evil doers starts by praying against my own restless thoughts. It starts inside. And works its way out… If a robber comes into your house, and there’s a band of others outside trying to work their way in too, how much sense does it make to let the robber that is already in your house run rampant, while you attempt to fend off the others? Wouldn’t it make sense to try and stop the robber that’s already in your house first? Get him out, and then continue to work at preventing the others from also entering. Otherwise, much more will be stolen and much more damage will be done. 

The same goes with the emotional and spiritual world. I have to be vigilant in fighting off the invisible enemies around me, but if I first don’t get rid of the ones inside me, they are going to run rampant and I will be much less effective at defending myself against the others. So first, I have to clear out the complete garbage in my own mind; the thoughts (lies) that run wild in my own head. The demons are tricksters, as Psalm 64 tells us: “They devise wicked schemes, conceal the schemes they devise; the designs of their hearts are hidden”. The thoughts they present might not seem like a ‘wicked scheme’ – but they are, that’s the point – to try and trick us with thoughts that seem like they are true, but are not, and actually degrade us: I’m not good enough. I’m a terrible sinner. I just don’t have what it takes. I never do anything right. What starts as a simple, single moment of weakness or shame suddenly becomes our whole identity! Our whole life! It is true that we ARE sinners. And we DO make mistakes. But this is absolutely NOT what Jesus wants us to use to define ourselves. He tells us that we are loved, worthy, beautiful, forgiven, redeemed, chosen, destined, favored, wanted, enough.

Why is it easier to believe the lies than the truth? How do we not see the many lies we believe while we’re believing them? Well, the more that we are exposed to something, the more we become accustomed to it and think that it’s ‘normal’ or ‘right’. So if we are told these things in a variety of different ways whether through family upbringing, or other damaging relationships throughout life, etc. we believe them. And the more we hear it, or that it’s implied, or the more that we start to subtly reinforce it in our own minds, the more that it becomes truth for us. We’re exposed, we’re comfortable, it’s familiar, it’s normal, it’s right. Except that it’s so very wrong. And it takes time and practice to start calling the lies LIES, and to fend them off for what they are: enemies. Enemies that steal and destroy - destroy our identity as chosen and loved sons and daughters of God; destroy our joy, our hope, and our freedom.

There is something else important about the end of Psalm 64 which says:

“But GOD will shoot arrows at them and strike them unawares. They will be brought down by their own tongues; all who see them will shake their heads. Then all will fear and proclaim God’s deed, pondering what has been done. The just will rejoice and take refuge in the Lord; all the upright will glory in their God.” -Psalm 64:8-11 (emphasis mine)

So if you are feeling a little powerless right now (another lie, by the way), you are most certainly not. Because God fights our enemies with and for us. We can’t do it by ourselves, and that’s okay, because we’re not supposed to. God is the vindicator. And He will fight for us. He’s the general, we’re the soldiers. We have to do our part, but He’ll make the tough calls; He’ll be there when the odds are against us and the chips are down; He’ll lead us through the battle to victory. The victory is the Lord’s. So take comfort in the fact that the final vindication isn’t up to us, and that God will strike down the enemies once and for all. And we, the just ones, will glory in our God.

But how do we do this? How do we, God’s little soldiers, fight these enemies and not let them get inside our heads? Scripture. That’s literally the answer. It’s so simple. Every time I read scripture, lies are debunked. Which means I need to read a whole lot more of it. Fill your mind with truth and there will be less room for the lies. Slowly, they will just get pushed out. Slowly, they can creep back in, which is why we must read scripture constantly, vigilantly, daily. This keeps the enemy where he belongs – away from us, and not residing in our minds where he can (and does) wreak havoc.

I definitely do not read enough scripture. And I’m resolving today to change that. I can’t let a day go by without opening up this bible and letting the grace that emits from the living word fight my battles. We have what we need to do this you guys! We just have to use it! There’s no magic wand or a flip of a switch and BOOM, enemies gone (boy, but wouldn’t that be nice!). BUT, there’s no complicated crazy formula either. It requires a little bit of effort, but it’s incredibly simple. You can do it. And so can I. If I want to stop letting my enemies and their thoughts and their lies get the upper hand in my daily walk, I have no choice but to make sure that scripture permeates my walk. Like it says in the last line of Psalm 63: I want my liars’ mouths to be SHUT! I don’t want the demons walking with me and talking to me! I want the LORD! Who’s with me? 

I’m resolving today. Will you join me?

Exercising Goodness

"We must not wish anything other than what happens from moment to moment, all the while, however, exercising ourselves in goodness. And to refuse to exercise oneself in goodness, and to insist upon simply awaiting what God might send, would be simply to tempt God."
— St. Catherine of Genoa

Today’s musings are generated entirely by reflection on this quote of St. Catherine of Genoa. Some information about the life of St. Catherine of Genoa will also help with perspective. I like knowing a little bit about the woman or man behind the words. Many quotes - this one included - can stand on their own two feet for sure! But knowing who is behind it can lend a deeper credibility to what they have to say.

A saint of the fifteenth century, Catherine was born into a noble Italian family. Though she sought religious life as a young teenager, she was denied because of her age. When her father died, she married at the age of 16 according to her parents’ wishes. But the marriage was terribly miserable for Catherine and she suffered for ten years with her faithless, mean-tempered, excessive money-spending husband. During a time she went to the church for confession, Catherine had an overwhelming mystical experience of God’s love and she experienced a deep conversion. Her life became profoundly focused on God and she immersed herself in frequent prayer, Holy Communion, and care for the sick. She is especially known for tending the sick during the two seasons of the plague that swept across Italy. Catherine’s husband joined her in her work after he too experienced a conversion. Due to the effects of his prior ruthless spending habits, they were in severe financial distress. They moved into the hospital where they cared for the sick and eventually managed the hospital. Toward the end of her life, Catherine explained to her spiritual director her mystical experiences throughout her devoted relationship with God. He complied her memoirs, and her many experiences and writings are of great insight to this day. And so we have this insight from her (repeating the quote):"We must not wish anything other than what happens from moment to moment, all the while, however, exercising ourselves in goodness. And to refuse to exercise oneself in goodness, and to insist upon simply awaiting what God might send, would be simply to tempt God."

It took me a few times reading it over to grasp what she was saying… and it’s worth expounding upon. The whole point is to live in the present moment. And that we shouldn’t wish for anything other than what God has permitted or willed to be in that moment, and - in every moment - to ‘exercise ourselves in goodness’. Each moment is an opportunity – an opportunity to live well. One moment to the next can be vastly different, but we are called in each moment to act in goodness.

What is goodness? Goodness, as defined by the Oxford dictionary, is: “the quality of being morally good or virtuous.” Goodness = virtue. In each moment, we are called to act virtuously. This is the Christian life.

The second sentence of her quote is where the cream of the crop is. We have moments (or seasons) of our lives that we don’t understand, where we feel as if we are waiting on God to respond to a petition we have, and this can make not wishing 'anything other than what happens from moment to moment' extremely difficult. But Catherine tells us that we still must practice goodness, to practice virtue, for the moment. And that to refuse to do so, and to just wait on God without heeding the opportunity to practice virtue in each moment, is simply ‘to tempt God.’ We can be prone to waiting on God with a sort of sensationalist, expectant attitude, and a kind of stubborn, crossed-arms disposition of the heart. When we do this, we focus on what we want to see or experience in a future moment, and we lose the opportunity to act with goodness (virtue) in the moment we are in. Of course, this is absolutely NOT to say that we shouldn’t petition God for the desires of our heart! We can and should and even must do so. Jesus Himself instructs us in this, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matt 7:7).

We are encouraged further in the Epistles to pray to God with our needs and desires (there would be too many citations to list of all the places where prayer of petition is encouraged throughout scripture, but see Philippians 4:6 & 1 Timothy 2:1 to start!). To pray in this way, is to live in the moment, presenting to God what weighs on our soul in that moment, but then, not simply insisting to wait upon Him, tempting Him to do what we want, but to go on – to go on living well, acting in goodness, persevering in virtue. 

A few tangible examples to envision: a couple who loses their child, petitions God to ease their sadness and console them in their grief, but then go out to serve the homeless at a soup kitchen – to live well, to act in goodness. A woman suffering from a difficult marriage, prays to God for help, and then goes to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. The man who lost his job and fears for the livelihood of himself and his family, prays to God, and then helps his wife clean the house, acting honorably, living virtuously. The chronic illness that threatens one’s peace, the loneliness that can taunt those who are single, widowed, or in nursing homes, the exhaustion that sweeps over the busy mom with small children, even the small things like burning the toast at breakfast, or forgetting to put the laundry in the dryer a day later (who’s with me!?), every single moment presents an opportunity – to act with goodness. To ask ourselves ‘how do I act with virtue right now?’

This applies to the good moments too! To everything that comes our way. In the moments that we feel especially loved, safe, happy, healthy, grateful, rested, prayerful, appreciated, or motivated – how do we exercise goodness in these times? To live those moments virtuously? Not with excessive pride, or ruthless ambition, or insensitivity – but with humility, patience, gratitude, and kindness.

What’s at the bottom of all this? What is the attitude, disposition, and perspective that we need to have in order to put this into practice, and really live well from moment to moment? TRUST. We have to trust that in the hard times, the sad times, the good times, the happy times, and the just plain busy times, God is taking care of us. To exercise goodness at all times, and to strive after virtue, even in the course of ‘waiting’ on God for the cries of our hearts, is to wait well, to trust Him, to grow, and to make ourselves ready for the work of the Lord in our lives. The work of the Lord is fluid. It is constantly moving and acting, so we’re never really waiting on God as if there’s ever a moment that He is not acting, for He always is. And ultimately, what are we making ourselves ready for? The moment when we’ll meet Him face to face. Everything in life is oriented to our destiny, and we were all created for the destiny of union with God. The ‘exercise of goodness’ in each day to day moment, is to strive after what we seek, is to make ourselves more and more receptive to God’s work in our lives now, and ready for our destiny at the moment He calls us home.

Saint Catherine had moments of joy and gladness and of deep intimacy with God as she dedicated her life and her work to Him, committing herself to prayer; but she also had moments of great trial, pain, and suffering. And her perseverance in the love of God and neighbor, gave her the wisdom to convey this truth to us… The quote one last time: “We must not wish anything other than what happens from moment to moment, all the while, however, exercising ourselves in goodness. And to refuse to exercise oneself in goodness, and to insist upon simply awaiting what God might send, would be simply to tempt God." All in all, we have to live in the moment – to live each moment well, and practice goodness (virtue) in all times and circumstances. And even if we feel like we’re waiting, to continue exercising goodness – to live well anyway. To seek the highest good. 

Lastly, a scripture verse comes to mind that I feel can propel us a little here:

“You have been told, O mortal, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: Only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God!” (Micah 6:8)

Keep walking! Live well! 

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_Genoa

https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/goodness

The Face of The Savior

The Face of The Savior

A Poetic Meditation for Holy Week

This is the Face of the Savior,

The One who sets us free.

Tonight He goes to supper,

And washes feet on bended knee.

Afterwards He’s handed over,

And spends the night alone.

Captured, chained, and dragged,

A prison cell His home.

Questioned, ridiculed, bound, 

Taken from place to place;

Beaten and battered, and spat upon,

This truly Holy Face.

Long and lonely, painful night;

Morning brings condemnation.

The people want Him crucified,

Those who loved Him, from His own nation.

Stripped and scourged, 

He endures the worst,

Shedding His blood,

To break the curse. 

Each drop of blood shed,

To cover our sins.

Yet this is barely

Where the Passion begins.

His body marred beyond description,

His blood poured out for us.

Destined for His crucifixion,

Now He’s made to carry His cross.

Climbing the hill via the streets,

Falling beneath the weight.

Bearing all out of love,

Hearing only words of hate.

The holy women weep for Him,

Veronica wipes His face;

He leaves His miraculous image,

Still sharing abundant grace.

Arriving on the hill of death, 

About to be made holy,

He’s bound and nailed to His cross,

pouring blood, raised slowly. 

He bears His three hour agony,

Upon the holy wood,

Hanging between two thieves,

One unrepentant, the other good. 

He hands His spirit over,

About to accomplish the greatest work.

His Passion to redeem us,

While the demons lurk. 

The evil spirits think they’ve won;

The Son of God is dead.

But Jesus Christ has other plans,

The demons now will dread. 

He breaks the chains of sin and death;

His perfect blood atonement.

He crushes evil, dies to save us,

To share in His enthronement. 

His body taken from the cross,

His mother cries and holds Him;

Gently wrapped and perfumed body;

The grave prepared that will not hold Him. 

On the day, that is the third,

The angel appears announcing,

“Christ who died, is here no longer, 

Go tell the others, rejoicing.”

The grave is broken, 

Christ is alive!

All borne for us,

Our spirits revive.

Take great joy in this great grace;

Look upon this Holy Face,

The loving Savior,

Who took your place.

Rejoice and be glad!

Finish the race! 

An Anniversary Celebration - Desert Style

Well, here I am! And it’s been well over a year since my last post… I guess being quasi quarantined creates time for things that have fallen by the wayside. Plus, today is a bit of a special day for me personally and I feel it is worth sharing about.

As some of you may or may not be aware, I have spent the past year practicing my Catholic faith in the Eastern Byzantine (particularly Ruthenian) tradition. If you aren’t familiar with the Eastern Catholic churches, let me just throw out a few tidbits of information right off the bat: No, I am not in schism! Yes, I am still Catholic! All of the Eastern Catholic churches are in full communion with Rome, with valid liturgies, sacraments, theology, etc. Any Roman Catholic can walk into any Eastern Catholic church at any time (and vice versa) and participate in the liturgy, receive the Holy Eucharist, etc., 100% valid, 100% Catholic. Other Eastern Catholic Churches that you may have heard of before are Chaldean Catholics, Ukrainian Catholics, and Melkite Catholics. These, along with Ruthenian Catholics, are just a few of the 23 particular churches that comprise the ‘Eastern Catholic Churches’. That’s about all I will go into about the details of the Eastern Catholic churches at this point, as this is not the purpose of this article (though necessary for context), but you can find more information that is extremely helpful from the Wikipedia article on the Eastern Catholic Churches if you want to read further: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_Catholic_Churches

Oh, and bonus tidbit: the Eucharistic Celebration in the Eastern Catholic Churches is called the “Divine Liturgy”, not the Mass.

Since becoming introduced to the Eastern practice of the Catholic faith, there have been many changes to my life as a result. I’ve been quite immersed in the church and the entire way of life. On the outside, this means a lot more icons! A lot more incense (which I absolutely LOVE! My favorite thing is to go home from church and having my hair and clothes so permeated with the smell of incense that I can still smell it hours later!), longer hours of prayer, and even learning the ancient language of Old Church Slavonic. (We celebrate the Liturgy in English, but Slavonic is the liturgical language of the (European) east; the equivalent of Latin in the west – but much more complicated as it is based in the Cyrillic alphabet like Greek and Russian). Spiritually, the sacredness of prayer has been heightened and incorporated into my life in new and beautiful ways. I could go on and on for HOURS, or more likely DAYS, about many specifics of practical and spiritual traditions of the East that have transformed my day-to-day, but maybe I can do more of that in future posts.

To make a very long story short, I dove into Eastern Catholicism head-first. It was like tasting sugar for the first time… This is GOOD! I want it all the time! Okay, maybe sugar is not the greatest analogy because sugar isn’t good for you. God is. But you get the point. It’s something that you never forget and that you want to go back for. And that’s what I did. I kept going back. I felt a peace come over me that I couldn’t describe; like there was a puzzle piece to my spiritual life that I was missing, searching for, then found, and it fit. My first Divine Liturgy at my now home parish, was almost exactly a year ago on March 31, 2019. And I never turned back.

Coming up on a first anniversary of sorts, I’ve been anticipating it for WEEKS, filled with gratitude and great excitement! Enter in: coronavirus. Everything cancelled, no gatherings, no celebrations. Anticipating and climbing toward it like a mountain peak, and just when I’m so close, the peak gets chopped off. I can’t celebrate in prayer with my parish family, with my new friends. I can’t go to the Divine Liturgy; I can’t receive the Eucharist; I can’t have coffee in the social hall. My soul was grieved. I teared up reading our Ruthenian bishop’s letter as the reality hit. Then, I just tried not to think about it.

My parish, like some other churches, is open during the day for some hours in order for the faithful to come and spend time in the church (socially distant of course) for personal prayer. I went to the church today to pray for a while. 

No one else was there. I entered alone, I prayed alone, and I left alone.

Going to the church today, my experience was far from what I would have weeks ago imagined it to be, but was basically as I had grown to expect during these past few days. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I still wished it could be different. But – only by God’s grace – I fought against the despair and desolation and entered into the Presence of my Lord.

Enter in: St. Mary of Egypt – the absolute most fitting, perfect, timely feast to commemorate at this time. I remember celebrating her feast last year, at my second Divine Liturgy. Her feast day is April 1, but we also celebrate her feast on the Fifth Sunday of the Great Fast (Lent) – today. St. Mary of Egypt spent well over half of her life in complete isolation, and deprived of the sacraments (sound familiar?). But I’m jumping ahead. St. Mary of Egypt, since being a young girl, lived a life of dissolute promiscuity for 17 years. She was greatly impassioned, seeking pleasure from any man who would have her. She chose this way of life not out of necessity like a prostitute, but out of sheer, unbridled desire. Mary decided one day to travel with a group that was going to the Holy City of Jerusalem, willingly trading her body for the means to pay her way. She wasn’t traveling with these pilgrims for a holy reason, but simply taking the opportunity to travel. Upon their arrival to the holy church of the Resurrection, Mary was unable to enter the church as though by an invisible force, no matter how many times she tried. Upon waiting at the entrance of the church, while the others gathered inside, she was enlightened, realizing that her impure way of life was preventing her from entering this holy place. She wept bitterly in sincere repentance, imploring the Mother of God to allow her to enter the church and venerate the Lord, which she did. She immediately renounced her impassioned life, approached the Holy Mystery of confession to be absolved of her sins, and received Holy Communion for the first time in her life. From there, she fled to the desert to live the next 47 years of her life in repentance and prayer as a hermit in complete isolation. After 46 of these years, St. Zosimas, a priest, discovered her in the wilderness. Mary told him her story, and asked him to bring her holy communion one year later, which he did, and Mary crossed the Jordan River by walking on the water to meet him and receive communion. St. Mary received the Eucharist that day for the second and last time of her life, dying shortly thereafter.

St. Mary of Egypt is a powerful example of repentance and reformation of life, and also of the omnipresence of God’s grace – even when deprived of the sacraments. We should, of course, receive the sacraments often, and be immersed in the life of the church. The Eucharist IS the source and summit of the Christian life. However, if and when we are deprived of the holy mysteries, as many of us currently are, this does not mean that God’s grace is not at work. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient. Not sufficient in a way that just ‘gets us by’ as if to provide the bare minimum to just barely hang on to holiness, but sufficient in a way that provides for every, single, possible need for grace. Sufficient to pave the way for great virtue, holiness, and even sainthood – if we truly seek Him.

Today in my beloved church, as I sat in complete solitude for an hour and a half of private prayer, I reflected quite a bit on the life of Mary of Egypt, on this, her feast day... isolated, as she was; deprived of the Eucharist, as she was; ‘celebrating’ in prayer, not like I imagined, but like was almost destined - and perhaps even fitting - for this time. The journey of faith is not to be reduced to mere human celebration. The journey of faith is a sublime process of union with God. It is not about how many days, or months, or years, have passed. It is simply about Him, and His presence permeating our lives. So as I reflect on this day - a day that turned out to be much more solemn than I originally anticipated - perhaps it is the way it was supposed to be. With focus not on the tangible, but on the eternal; not on celebration, but on solitude. Not on humanity, but on Divinity.

Suddenly, my time of prayer alone in the church this day doesn’t seem at all sad - but truly sacred.

St. Mary of Egypt, pray for us!

Photo Source: My own photo :) Not my regular icon corner, but my make-shift arrangement for prayer in a different room in my home last night. Complete with incense burning - my favorite! 

Anointed

“Christ has no body now on earth but yours; no hands but yours; no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which the compassion of Christ must look out on the world. Yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good. Yours are the hands with which He is to bless His people." -St. Teresa of Avila

YOU are the hands and the feet of Christ. YOU have been anointed to bring the good news to all the world. When we were baptized, we were anointed with holy oil (chrism) to have a share in Christ as priest, prophet, and king. This confers on us a missionary spirit - the anointing to preach the Gospel, to teach people about Jesus, to bring them to Jesus, to BE Jesus to others in a world desperately in need of Him.

How is Christ’s anointing challenging you? We have all been anointed; we are all commissioned by God. In what way is God wanting you to exercise your missionary spirit? What is He giving you an anointing for? Sometimes it is to reach out to a friend we know is having a rough time; sometimes it’s to minister to the poor; sometimes it’s to teach our own children how to pray; sometimes it’s to start something new in our lives that stretches us.

Friends, the world needs Jesus! We are called to be Jesus to the world. How will you be Jesus to someone this week?

Photo Source: https://myhillsongcollegeexperience.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/stock-footage-close-up-of-bottle-pouring-olive-oil.jpg

Do Whatever He Tells You

 

Do we do what Jesus tells us? Mary tells the wedding servers to do whatever Jesus tells them. Their obedience results in a miracle - Jesus’ first recorded miracle in fact.

When Jesus tells the servers to fill several big jars full of water, I like to imagine what the servers might have been thinking: “Um. Jesus, you know it’s wine that we’re out of right? Not water. What good will jugs of water do? This is a waste of time.” Maybe they thought these things, but maybe they didn’t. Regardless of what might have been going through their heads, they did what Jesus told them to without stopping to question Him - no matter how odd or pointless or difficult it seemed.

Here are five important things that Jesus tells us to do:
‘Love one another as I have loved you’ John 15:12
‘Repent and believe in the Gospel’ Mark 1:15
‘Keep my commandments’ John 14:15
‘Love your enemies… do good to those who hate you’ Matthew 5:44
‘Come to me… Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart’ Mt 11:28-29

When people do what Jesus tells them, that is when miracles happen like at Cana - that is when lives are transformed. When Jesus told Mary Magdalene ‘Go, and sin no more’, she did just that, she received a miracle of spiritual healing. When Jesus told the blind man, ‘Go, wash in the pool of Siloam’ he did, and received a physical miracle of being able to see again. When Jesus told the apostles, ‘Come, follow me’, and they did, their hearts were opened to see the Lord, and their lives were elevated. These requests Jesus made of people (and many others throughout the Gospels) probably seemed impossibly difficult, silly, or strange. But the people had faith. Jesus performed miracles because of the people’s faith. (See Luke 7:50, Mark 10:52, Matthew 9:22, Luke 8:48, Mark 5:34, etc.)

Sometimes doing what Jesus tells us seems odd, pointless, or just downright difficult (doing good to those who hate you, for instance). But that’s exactly when He has a distinct purpose in mind - we just have to do what He says, and trust Him with the outcome. We have to let our faith in Him be our strength.

We too will experience healings, transformations, and miracles (large or small), by doing one simple thing: doing what Jesus tells us. Follow His commandments (all of them); repent of your sins (all of them); love others - including your enemies, and come to Jesus; learn from Him. We are more likely to imitate others the more we spend time with them. Who can argue that we all could use to become a little more like Jesus? Spend time with Him (especially in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament), follow Him, do whatever He tells you, and your life will be made new. Your faith - true, real, deep faith in following Jesus - will save you.


Photo Source: http://www.amyekeh.com/blog/2016/1/12/how-to-pray-for-wine-at-a-party

Make Ready Your Heart…. Travel Back in Time

I’m going on an Advental hiatus (yes, I just made Advent into an adjective). I’m trying to make more room for the Lord in these weeks leading up to Christmas… For the season of Advent, I’m giving up Facebook (the only exception being to post blog links, of course). Most people think that giving something up for a season is something we really only do during Lent… but we forget that Advent is also a penitential season. Like Lent, Advent is a season of preparation. In both seasons, we are anticipating the Lord either in His birth or in His Resurrection.

The word Advent means ‘arrival’ or ‘coming’. What do we do when we are expecting the arrival of a guest? When we know that someone special is coming over? We clean house. We make room for them to stay. In the season of Advent, we are anticipating a coming, the celebration of the arrival of Christ the Savior. He seeks to dwell in us; but we need to make room in the inn of our heart so that we don’t turn Him away. We have to make the space, or we won’t have the space to welcome Him in and give Him room. I humbly admit that I spend too much time on Facebook! It’s easy to scroll and scroll, anticipating the next funny meme, or inspirational post, or that next announcement about an important event in a friend’s life. I’m sure if I kept track, I spend more time on Facebook than I do in prayer. That doesn’t seem like a very Jesus centered life. And I want my life to be Jesus centered. Which means I need to put HIM first and spend more time with Him than I do scrolling mindlessly through a media stream.

So this Advent, I’m choosing to be an innkeeper; to take on the role of one of those innkeepers of Bethlehem, transporting my heart back about two thousand years. Except, when the Holy Family knocks on my door, I want to have room prepared for them. I want to have a place for Jesus to be born in me. So these next 24 days, I’m cleaning my inn. I’m cleaning out those things that crowd Jesus out. How many times I think I’m just going to check Facebook for a few minutes and then pray, and before I know it, I have 5 minutes left before I have to hit the ground running to make breakfast, or get out the door for work, and prayer gets crowded out. I didn’t make room in my inn for Jesus. It's time for that to change.

And so I challenge you too: what can you do this Advent to make the inn of your heart ready to welcome Jesus in? It might be giving something up, or doing something more concrete. Whatever it is, be intentional about it! Be a true innkeeper this Christmas. And whistle while you work :) 

Heroes Do the Hard Stuff

Sometimes life is harder than it should be. The burdens are too heavy; the suffering is too great; the fear is too real; the worry is too consuming.

Right now, every area of my life is causing stress - and it feels too great to bear. It's easy to be angry - even at God. It's hard to understand and trust Him... so hard. I realized yesterday that the way I am reacting and thinking (a way I often unknowingly slip into, but am starting to become more aware of), is that I'm not asking Jesus to walk through the difficulties with me; I'm not just 'being' with Him, trusting Him, knowing that He is taking care of me and will continue to do so; I'm not asking Him to stay with me in the storm - I am just asking Him to fix it. And then I get mad when things don't change. Sometimes we have a really hard time accepting our circumstances and recognizing God's presence. As I say to myself "Lord, I want you to be with me, but right now, I don't just want you to be with me, I want you to fix things! I want you to act! Why does it have to be this way? Can't you just DO something? I know you can, but why won't you?!"

The answer is still one I usually don't like. The answer is that He's not changing things because He wants us to rely more completely on Him, less on ourselves, and less dependent on circumstances to make us happy, so that our contentment comes from HIM. A beautiful concept... but it doesn't feel so very beautiful.

We look at the saints' lives and are captured by the romanticism in a sense... we are intrigued by the level of their intimacy with God - an intimacy that requires serious heroic virtue. Heroes do the hard stuff, make the tough sacrifices, fill the role no one else will. Saints are God's heroes. Their intimacy with God is indeed beautiful and romantic; their lives a seemingly perfectly orchestrated symphony of love, suffering, and holiness. When we see all the facets of their lives come together and can read the whole story, we see that panoramic beauty of their walk with God. But it didn't always feel beautiful. It wasn't always easy. They didn't always like it. But they focused on the LORD, and not on their circumstances (something I have an exceedingly hard time emulating!), and that's what gave them their strength.

They kept their eyes on Jesus. They trusted Him. Their circumstances were hard. Their suffering was real, and awful, and hard to bear. But instead of pointing the finger at God, somehow blaming Him, or accusing Him of not loving them enough to intervene (which is what I like to do), they just kept loving Him. And BELIEVING that He had it all under control; accepting the knowledge of His love for them, and that He was their rescuer.

Heroes do the hard stuff. Heroes take action when it feels the least beautiful. And out of it comes huge reward, immense beauty. I'm working hard today - and in the days ahead - to look at Jesus and not at the stuff in my life that I want Him to fix before I will give Him my all. I may have to give Him my all over, and over, and over again, each time I get distracted and downhearted with life's chaos, and it's HARD. Life is harder than it should be! But heroes do the hard stuff.

Winds of Change, Fighting Back, & Fighting For

I was getting on a roll. I was keeping up. Writing new posts every Saturday for weeks in a row. I went on vacation, so I missed the 22nd of September. No problem, will just pick up again the next week. I came back from vacation on the 24th, and was honestly having a really hard time that very night just jumping back into real life, prepping for work the next morning, feeling kind of empty, and like I wasn't quite grounded. I left the house to go to a favorite place to pray. It helped me reset a little, and I returned to that favorite place again the following night for a bible study that a friend invited me to just the day before. Little did I know that the severe storms passing through that night would cause three tornadoes to develop in my area - and the southern-most one, went right through my yard as it finished its path and dissipated in the cornfield across the street. This all happened while I was at bible study and I had no idea until I returned to a home that I couldn't even get to because of the trees, debris, and power lines all over the road. Super long story made short, I walked my property with the fire department, made the way through the obstacle course into the house, packed a couple of bags, and headed to my parents' for the night - where I am still residing as I wait for the repairs.

I've been praying for a while (quite desperately) for a change in my life, just feeling kind of stuck and unhappy in a variety of ways, but boy!! This was not the kind of change I was expecting! It brings the term 'winds of change' up to a whole new level! I realized immediately - and continue to realize - how blessed I was not to have been home that night, and how providentially everything worked out so quickly to keep me safe. I certainly got my game-changer! (The saying is true by the way - be careful what you pray for!!)

God never moves in expected ways. He's like the super secret agent with more tricks up His sleeve than anyone is aware of. Sometimes He can really catch us off guard - but that's a good tactic of someone who can really get your attention, make you think, and cause a reaction. The reaction He is always aiming for is that of our reaction to rebound back to Him. The reaction He seeks is for us to seek Him. 

Though God is the supreme mover of the unexpected, our enemies have sly and cunning tricks that tempt us to the opposite reaction of turning away from God. We have to remember that our enemies are not of flesh and blood, but they they are the principalities and powers of darkness. They have tricks up their sleeves too, but they are far from unexpected like the ones God uses to draw us to Him. They are very predictable, very deceitful. They take our focus off Jesus. How do we fight back?

"The Lord says to my lord: 'Sit at my right hand, till I make your enemies your footstool.'" (Psalm 110:1)

The answer? Cling to Jesus. Stay seated at His right hand, keep running to Him, and it is He who will slay our enemies. I know Jesus wants me to write. I know he wants me to keep on keeping on with what He's called me to. He is showing me much and causing me to learn much through this time of trial with being displaced (and having to practice PROFOUND amounts of patience with insurance and contractors, etc!). But my enemies try to convince me to have God's plan take a backseat because my life right now is 'too busy, too exhausting, too overwhelming, too darn CRAZY' to carve out more time that I don't have, to do what He's asked. But I'm fighting back. I'm doing my best to keep Jesus first, to kick the enemies to the curb, I'm not even sort of close to always succeeding at this, but I absolutely will keep trying.

Lastly, today is All Souls' Day, so there's something we are fighting for. We are fighting for our brothers and sisters who have gone before us, awaiting their time in Purgatory, to see the face of God. Today, we pray for them, that they might be able to gaze on the loveliness of the Father, to rest in perfect union with their King & Creator - with Our King and Creator. I challenge you to offer a particular prayer today for the Holy Souls in Purgatory who have no one else to pray for them; who have no believing family on this earth to think of them and desire their final salvation. Maybe you are having a hard time fighting back against your enemies today - draw close to Jesus, choose to let him fight with and for you, and offer that suffering today for a soul in need of your prayers to see the face of God this day. And that soul in turn, will pray for you and help you on your journey this day and all the remaining days of your life. Be blessed my friends!

Photo source: https://tsnra.wordpress.com/articles/articles-by-editor/the-winds-of-change/ 

Raised Powerful

Today’s first reading is a powerhouse of hope and glory!

1 Corinthians 15:35-37, 42-29:
            Brothers and sisters: Someone may say, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come back?” You fool! What you sow is not brought to life unless it dies. And what you sow is not the body that is to be but a bare kernel of wheat, perhaps, or of some other kind. So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown corruptible; it is raised incorruptible. It is sown dishonorable; it is raised glorious. It is sown weak; it is raised powerful. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual one.
            So, too, it is written, “The first man, Adam, became a living being,” the last Adam a life-giving spirit. But the spiritual was not first; rather the natural and then the spiritual. The first man was from the earth, earthly; the second man, from heaven. As was the earthly one, so also are the earthly, and as is the heavenly, so also are the heavenly. Just as we have borne the image of the earthly one, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly one. 

One of my favorite lines in this passage is: “it is sown weak; it is raised powerful.” Of this line, the Magnificat said in the short reflection for today’s Mass:

“That is, it enables us today to live the very life of God with a hundredfold intensity.”

I re-read this line at least four times in my prayer this morning. The seed of weakness that we are sown in this life, if put to death, is raised to power – the power of God. We die to ourselves, to our worries, our fears, our sinfulness, our insecurities – or rather we put them to death, so that Christ can reign in us. Our weakness raised to power is what ‘enables us today [and everyday!] to live the very life of God with a hundredfold intensity’. No matter what you have planned in your day today, and whatever happens unplanned, we are all enabled to live the very life of God with intensity. I LOVE that word intensity; we aren’t called to simply live the life of God, but to do so with intensity! That is, with our whole focus, our whole being, our whole life. How can you keep God as the center focus of you day, and live his life with intensity in your journey this day? What might need to change in your day to be more pleasing and honorable in the sight of God? What can you add to your day, or how can you adjust your outlook or attitude to be more intensely fulfilling God’s life within you?

Claim the power that God promises! “Just as we have borne the image of the earthly one”, by denying ourselves and aligning our day with the promises and power of God, we are enabled to live the very life of God with a hundredfold intensity, so that “we shall also bear the image of the heavenly one.”

A hundredfold…. another powerful word that alludes to the way God goes above and beyond to increase our gift back to him. Like the parable of the mustard seed: we give the little that we can, and God makes it glorious. We don’t have the power ourselves to live the life of God with a hundredfold intensity, but it is possible to do so because if we offer what we have to God, He gives it back a hundredfold; he fills to overflowing the cup, the shell that we offer, and makes it glorious. Be raised powerful today.

Happy Moments

Sometimes you have to create happy moments. Sometimes you simply have to recognize the happy moments you have and just let yourself absorb in alllll the goodness; to truly appreciate it. For example, I’m cherishing this moment: sitting at a friend’s house for a much-needed weekend getaway and change of scenery, sitting at the table late at night, with decaf pumpkin spice coffee in a Zakopane mug from Poland, with my favorite flowers (daisies) in the background. What a cool moment! And I’m cherishing every second of it.

As we navigate through the twists and turns of life, the ups and downs, shifting gears, and even the curve balls, we are never (contrary to popular opinion) devoid of happiness. Maybe we only find it for a moment at times, but there’s always something, at some point, that we can find joy in. And when multiple simple little things come together in a nice little package of joyousness, that’s even better! (Like my spontaneous getaway, PSL, late-night quiet, daises and a BFF).

Happy moments happen, but sometimes we also have to work for them. I knew I needed a getaway. I needed a change of pace, a cheesy chick-flick, and to enjoy coffee in good company. So I did it. And the little things fell into place.

Trust in God. Trust in His plan for your happiness. Trust that He wants you to be happy and that even in all of the crazy, you are entitled to happy moments. Look for them, make some happen, and thank God for the things that He gives you to remind you that you are worthy of happiness.

Swaddled & Slain

Today, on the Feast of the Nativity of Blessed Virgin Mary, I want to share a few thoughts... first, lover of poetry that I am, I want to share a meditation that was published in the Magnificat for today's feast; a poem by Rita A. Simmonds:

The Infant Mary

"After centuries of weight, the waters break and flow.

The desert leaps with fruit. How can this be so? -

A temple made of flesh without the strain of Eve, 

a full and promised moon, a servant and a queen.

A womb within a womb, cocooned in swaddled silk 

or morning glory blue, the scent of myrrh and milk.

The prophet would foretell the piercing of her soul

that Eden's flaming sword had wounded long ago

when bitterness was named for a sweetness made to last

though newborn memory is a star too far to grasp.

The spread of sea is calm. The infant Mary sleeps.

The firmament reflects its sparkling, faultless queen."

What a beautiful reflection we have in Simmonds' poetic genius! There so much we can take away from this reflection... but what stands out to me most is in being reminded that Mary, swaddled in perfection, infant queen, with a pure and sinless soul, will later have in her heart a wound from a sword; 'when bitterness was named for a sweetness made to last'. Out of Mary's pure yes, deep grief, and triumphant virtue, comes pure freedom, deep peace, and triumph over death through her Son, Jesus Christ. Out of the greatest bitterness of this life comes the greatest sweetness that could possibly be had. It is a good reminder for us, that whatever bitterness we experience in our own lives, God will bring greater sweetness out of it. It is also a good reminder for us that Mary understands our bitterness and pain when our lives seem to dish out more than we can bear. We are not alone, she is with us and consoling us, and will help us in our suffering while helping us keep our hope in Jesus.

Today as we celebrate the birthday of Mary, we celebrate the coming into the world of the woman who not only gave us her Son, but also gave us herself. We celebrate the birthday of the Mother of our Savior, who as she gave up Jesus, Jesus gave her us. And how lovingly she cherishes us! Place yourself in the company of the angels and saints today in a moment of silence and reflection. Surround yourself with the angels and the saints who over 2000 years ago rejoiced in Heaven on this day. Reflect on the beauty, the holiness, the reverence, awe, and silent wonder at the hope granted on this day - the beginning of the age of salvation. 

*Photo Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/490822059363370930/

Treading Underfoot

There are many ways that guilt can infiltrate our lives. Many times, because of circumstances in our lives beyond our control, we've been made to feel guilty for things we never should have felt guilty for in the first place! For things that weren't our fault, for being judged a certain way, criticized unjustly, etc.We all carry some form of guilt for things that we have done wrong, all of which can be forgiven and purified! But I think for most of us, the guilt and shame we carry that we have no business carrying can be the hardest to eradicate, the hardest to trust God with, the hardest to believe he actually wants to and will free us of; we struggle to really believe in his love for us and that no shadow of guilt or shame can be cast further than the light of his grace.

Whether you're carrying guilt from past sins and failings, or guilt that is completely undeserved but that you can't seem to let go of, or a combination of the two, this post is a poetic reflection on today's (Tuesday, July 24th) first reading from Micah. First, the reading:

Micah 7:14-15, 18-20

Shepherd your people with your staff, the flock of your inheritance, that dwells apart in a woodland, in the midst of Carmel. Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old; As in the days when you came from the land of Egypt, show us wonderful signs.

Who is there like you, the God who removes guilt and pardons sin for the remnant of his inheritance; Who does not persist in anger forever, but delights rather in clemency, And will again have compassion on us, treading underfoot our guilt? You will cast into the depths of the sea all our sins; You will show your faithfulness to Jacob, and grace to Abraham, As you have sworn to our fathers from days of old.

The Word of the Lord



Poetic Reflection on this Reading from Micah

What Does God Do With Our Guilt?


I come to you God,
over and over again,
Unsure of who I am,
ashamed of who I've been.
The guilt, the shame, the tears I bring,
You say they have no place;
You tell me that you take them,
make them new, replace with grace.
Yet still I doubt your goodness,
and try to hide from you my face.

Why don't I believe you God,
and all you say is true?
Why is it easier to believe the lies
than cling to the words of you?
You remove our guilt
and pardon our sin,
yet we stay in that space,
letting guilt and shame win.

You God tell us one thing,
yet we believe another,
denying ourselves the freedom
we believe is for some other.
You come in and tell us again
that we deserve your love.
We inherit the Kingdom of your peace
you've already fit it for us like a glove.
You break through the lies
and your anger is abated;
you yearn to bring us rest,
you see our face and are elated.
You delight in us,
you grant us grace,
you delight in gazing
... on our face.

On us you have compassion
over and over again,
treading underfoot our guilt,
as if it had never been.
You cast away our sinfulness
and by this show your faithfulness.
Restore O God, my joyfulness,
That I may walk in blamelessness!

Seeking, Soaking, and Shining

I like to think that I seek Jesus first. The truth is, sometimes I do – and sometimes I don’t. I was inspired by something a priest said during a homily while I was attending a Mass & adoration vigil for the feast days of the Sacred Heart & Immaculate Heart. It was a vigil of reparation to the hearts of Jesus and Mary for all the sins that wound them – including our own and for the ingratitude and lack of love from mankind. The pastor addressed the issue of how many times that we desire other activities or leisure times over spending time with Jesus. He then said something about this in a particular way that stuck with me: about making personal reparation ‘for the times that I’ve preferred the television to the tabernacle.’ (Mic. Drop.) That could have been his whole homily. Case. And. Point.

We live for Jesus, we worship Him, we pray, we go to Mass, we do good for others. But how many times do we not seek Jesus first? Just 10 more minutes on Facebook, just one more episode, just a little more Xbox… how much time do we spend with Jesus versus the time we spend on other things that in the grand scheme of life, merit nothing toward our eternal salvation? And, in fact, can detract from it.

Now, these things aren’t all bad, and God knows and understands that sometimes these are our outlets! I know a little bit of down time, and a movie or a few episodes of a favorite TV series helps me to unwind after a hectic day. But, I can easily do that instead of taking time with Jesus. It’s not that we can’t ever watch TV again, but are we taking 10 or 20 or 30 minutes to pray first? Take those moments and soak up some Son! Read a few verses of Scripture, grab that devotional book and peruse through it, grab a journal and pen and write out your thoughts and prayers to the Lord. Sit and talk to him. Sometimes, I just sit in the middle of my bed, or the middle of the couch, and I just start talking – out loud – as if Jesus were just sitting there in the room with me. And I just talk. And eventually I slow down, and then just pause. And listen. Those are some of my most fruitful times of prayer, some of the times were I really can tune into Jesus’ presence and His attentiveness to me.

Jesus, help me to seek You first – in all the things, in all the chaos, in the joys, in the trials, in the decisions, in the time I have each day. Help the fast-paced, media-driven things of this world lose a bit of their luster, so that I see Your splendor, and spend more time soaking up Your shine. Amen.

Seek, Soak, Shine - repeat! 

10th Sunday in Ordinary Time: How Do We Rise Up?

There are many ways that the devil (Satan) tries to deceive us... he often uses subtle tactics that we can easily excuse or justify. Do we rise up against him? Do we fight the good fight?

"Fight the good fight; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:12

As the letter to Timothy reveals to us, by fighting the 'good fight of faith' - i.e., holding onto the truth, resisting evil, clinging to what is good and holy, trusting our Creator, our Father, our Lord of love - we secure our eternal salvation! We begin to take hold of, here on earth, that life which we were created for in eternity! Our destiny as human beings in perfect union with God. We all have this deep longing for fulfillment, which we strive after vehemently in our lives. This fulfillment will only be fully realized when we are united with God in Heaven, for that is what we were created for.

So in today's Gospel, we hear testified that 'if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand.' If we root Satan - and all of his little subtle ways of trying to rule over us - out of us, he cannot stand! He sets himself up for failure by trying to get to us, only to be booted out! And we claim our dignity, our destiny, our identity as God's children and heirs of 'the eternal life to which we were called'! It is Jesus who has the power in us to overcome, to rise up.

Pro-tip for fighting this good fight of faith and rising up against Satan: Spend time with Jesus. Know not just who you are fighting against, but SO much more importantly, who you are fighting for. It is He to whom you are called; rise up and fight for your faith, fight for that union with God, fight for your destiny, your call, your claim on eternal life. Cling to the King, so that whatever comes against you cannot stand. God's hand is reaching down from Heaven, open above your head, conferring grace on you to live loved, to live strong, to live sanctified. Pray. Spend time with the Lord and experience His presence pouring over you.


Photo Credit: Liturgical Publications, Inc. (LPi)

We Are Messy; We Are Whole

Sometimes the poet in me strikes, and I believe this is the first time I've published one of my poems here... My musings of the day on the steadiness of God even in times when we struggle to remain steady in Him. It is definitely not my most polished of poems, but is straight from the heart ❤️

Lord, help us in the moments where our lives feel messy, the days and the years where we don't know where to turn.

Help us to trust in You even when our hearts are troubled, and when we are confused, for You to always yearn. 

Hold us in the moments when we're pushing You away, yet crying out for help from You in times of doubt and fear.

Don't let us lose sight in the dark and painful hours, when all we know and have been told seems to slip away from ear. 

Jesus, when our souls cry out and we don't seem to belong, help us know You have a plan that's special just for us. 

To feel Your strength within, to walk forward with You when blind we feel, a leap of faith, an act of trust. 

We push, we pull, we laugh, we cry... The struggle is so very real and at times more than the heart can hold.

In our fickleness, O Lord, show us Your constancy and affirm our hope, fill us with your grace so bold. 

Young and old, spry or worn, You're here to make us whole.

Well or ill, rich or poor, You call us Your very own.

Don't leave us Lord, stay with us, in the storms of confusion when we struggle to believe.

You draw us up, pull us out, dry us off, make us smile, our deepest cries You receive.

Today, in the midst of the messy and bleak, we ask You, sweet Lord, from the depths of our soul:

To give us the grace to know You are near,

To never give up when we are gripped by fear, 

to hold us tight even when we say You're not here, 

to know that in You, we are whole.