We Are Messy; We Are Whole

Sometimes the poet in me strikes, and I believe this is the first time I've published one of my poems here... My musings of the day on the steadiness of God even in times when we struggle to remain steady in Him. It is definitely not my most polished of poems, but is straight from the heart ❤️

Lord, help us in the moments where our lives feel messy, the days and the years where we don't know where to turn.

Help us to trust in You even when our hearts are troubled, and when we are confused, for You to always yearn. 

Hold us in the moments when we're pushing You away, yet crying out for help from You in times of doubt and fear.

Don't let us lose sight in the dark and painful hours, when all we know and have been told seems to slip away from ear. 

Jesus, when our souls cry out and we don't seem to belong, help us know You have a plan that's special just for us. 

To feel Your strength within, to walk forward with You when blind we feel, a leap of faith, an act of trust. 

We push, we pull, we laugh, we cry... The struggle is so very real and at times more than the heart can hold.

In our fickleness, O Lord, show us Your constancy and affirm our hope, fill us with your grace so bold. 

Young and old, spry or worn, You're here to make us whole.

Well or ill, rich or poor, You call us Your very own.

Don't leave us Lord, stay with us, in the storms of confusion when we struggle to believe.

You draw us up, pull us out, dry us off, make us smile, our deepest cries You receive.

Today, in the midst of the messy and bleak, we ask You, sweet Lord, from the depths of our soul:

To give us the grace to know You are near,

To never give up when we are gripped by fear, 

to hold us tight even when we say You're not here, 

to know that in You, we are whole. 

How many lies are YOU believing?

I saw a quote on social media today that said: “Two key things to know in life: God is always good & the devil is always a liar.”

What struck me about this was the word always; not so much in relation to God’s goodness, because we’re incessantly hearing that God is good all the time (and all the time, God is good), and that He can’t be anything but good (even though we may struggle to believe it at times). It was the word always in relation to the devil’s lies that really resonated with me and got me thinking. Hard.

I started thinking about when the devil first speaks in scripture, in the Garden of Eden, before the fall, when he begins to tempt Adam and Eve… how everything that he said was laced with lies; and how when he tempts Jesus in the desert, he even addresses Jesus with lies (do you really think he would have given Jesus all the kingdoms of the world if He bowed to the devil??? LIE. First of all, the devil can’t give all the kingdoms to God. They aren’t his to give. He can’t give what he doesn’t own. The world is God’s to begin with. C’mon! I digress… You get the point.) The real point is that the devil is always a liar. It’s even proven throughout scripture! We can literally read that everything he has to say is a lie. This reality is something that I haven’t really understood, or believed, to the extent that I need to.

I know that the devil lies; you know that the devil lies. He lies a lot. But I didn’t really think about how he lies always; that everything he says is a lie. Everything. The endless reel of statements he throws at me goes something like this: You are not enough. You are not loved. You screwed up. God would love you more if… (this or that…). You can’t heal. You can’t be whole. You have to be perfect. You’ll never be a saint. You can’t find fulfillment. You are not worthy. You are weak. You are broken… this reel goes on and on, and then often just keeps replaying in my head. And the worst part is, is that not only do I believe these things for myself, but I believe that it is how God sees me too. I listen to it, trying to decipher what is true and what isn’t. Because I know that the devil lies and that it’s not all true, but I somehow think that some of it is. Why do I do that? Because some of the experiences in my life seem to validate or back up these statements, and so when I hear them, they sound true. But what I’ve failed to realize is that the devil is always a liar. ALWAYS. None of what he says is ever true. I need to believe NOTHING that he says. Realizing this should take a huge load off of our minds because once we realize this, we no longer have to feel like we have to listen and filter through to figure out what is true and what isn’t! We can know that NONE of it is true, because the devil is always a liar.

What about you? What has the devil been whispering (or more like yelling) in your ear? Have you been struggling with what to believe and what not to believe? Well, you can stop now. You don’t even have to listen, because it is all lies. Always all lies. None of these things the devil tries to tell us about ourselves are true. How do we know? Because they contradict everything God says.

I honestly have not been looking forward to Holy Week this year. I’ve been just craving the Resurrection; craving joy; craving healing. I’ve just wanted to skip to Easter. But this gives me something to reflect on and enter into Holy Week with – and I hope it helps you too. I hope that we can all just block out the devil knowing that he has nothing good or true to say to us, and let that be replaced with the truths that God will show and speak to us in the holy days ahead. These days where He says to us: You are worthy. You are loved. I give everything for YOU. I give my life for you. I love you. I cherish you. I will fulfill you. I can make you whole. I make all things new. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are mine.

Jesus claims us in the mystery of His suffering and His triumph. Let’s bring to Him our sufferings, to let Him triumph over and remove the lies, & let His truth reign in our lives. Be blessed.

Photo Source: https://nakiacarter.wordpress.com/tag/listening-to-god/ 

When the Going gets Tough... Really Tough

A raw, honest, unfiltered explanation.

Sometimes situations happen in life that seem to suck the life right out of you… it throws off your routine, robs you of your peace and joy, planting anger and fear in its place. It can happen without you even realizing it, until one day you discover how much change has occurred within yourself due to the mass chaos of indescribable difficulties.

Sometimes I become so overwhelmed by injustice and pain, so consumed by anxiety and hopelessness, that I feel like I can’t pray, or don’t know how to pray, or feel like prayer won’t help me or my situation. Discouragement sets in, and suddenly my soul feels stuck, like the feet of my spirit were placed in wet cement and left there to dry and I just can’t get a breakthrough. I try to read something inspiring or helpful from a spiritual perspective to help me grab hold of some grace or peace; I try to change my prayer routine or spend time with the Lord in a new or different way, hoping for a glimmer of hope and light; and all of my efforts seem fruitless. I feel like nothing can or will help me to keep my soul from utter despair…

The only remedy I’ve come across so far to at least temporarily regain some perspective is the Holy Mass. I enter into the Mass in tears sometimes, bringing my worries and fears, sadness and anger to Lord. I ask Him to help me and I just try to focus on my life with Jesus and somehow, some of the burden melts away… I remember through the grace of the Mass that all that matters is my relationship with Jesus, and then fulfilling whatever it is that I’m called to do to share that with others. And I have to trust Him with all the things that I can’t control; all of the things that drive me crazy; all of the things that threaten to destroy my peace, to destroy the inner union of my soul with God. The Mass is a miracle. The Mass gives focus where it ought to be. With God all things are possible, and even what I don’t understand, like, or even want to tolerate, I have to believe that God will take care of. And to remind myself that He is trustworthy…

And I have to keep reminding myself. And then remind myself again. And again. And again. And I have to approach Mass again and again; I have to look at Jesus and keep my eyes fixed. I find a statue or image of Him in the church and I stare at it; I fixate my gaze and just think of Jesus. And focus on loving Jesus. And focus on His love back to me and that He will take care of me and all of my worries and fears.

Hardship isn’t easy (hence the name ‘hardship’); and praying through hardship can be just as much of a challenge as whatever heartache we are struggling with. But the Mass is the first, biggest, and best remedy. And while I might not leave Mass having anymore answers or resolutions, and will undoubtedly still experience the plethora of emotions that come with any sort of suffering, I do leave having been reminded of the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He is trustworthy. That He loves me. That He will make all things new. I just have to stay fixed on Him (which can be a daily or hourly, or even moment-by-moment challenge). But in those challenging moments, I will try to close my eyes and transport myself in spirit to that moment during Mass when I encountered that reminder of His faithfulness and realized that He is everything; and that despite all the chaos of the situations around me, He continually draws me to Himself, and my relationship with Him will fulfill all of my deepest needs and longings and is more important and amazing than anything else.

"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth." Psalm 71:20

Photo source: https://worksofhisdaughter.wordpress.com/category/food-for-the-soul/ 

Prayer that takes on Flesh...

In the Magnifat Lenten Companion, the story/meditation on today’s Gospel (Matthew 6:7-15) is one in which the writer, Carrie Bucalo, shares the reality of the many people who bear a “God-wound”; a wound from something which has occurred in life to scar one’s belief or image of God as a loving Father. Many times, this can be due to a negative or harmful experience involving a parent, but can also occur from other wounds or damaging experiences in life which shatter our own personal reality of God’s unfathomable, unconditional love. Bucalo goes on to say:

As a grown woman, I try to pray, but feel like I fail constantly… [and] Words can’t answer my heart’s deepest questionings… unless prayers become hands that take on flesh and blood and
move through time and space to reach me in my suffering and pain with perfect honesty and truthfulness. The Father’s caress from the cross is gripping. His presence is the perfect and only prayer. (Emphasis added)

I sat stunned and awed as I prayed with these words this morning. Jesus can satisfy and heal our God-wounds, can restore our destroyed image of God the Father, because He IS the Word made flesh. Words are powerful, but mere words cannot answer or solve our woundedness. Words are human and finite, but God is not. Jesus, the Word of God, took on flesh to fulfill our deepest voids; to heal that which can only be healed by flesh and blood. His response to the words of our prayer are not mere reciprocal words, it is Himself. His ‘words’ back to us are His ‘hands that take on flesh and blood’. Words cannot hold us; flesh and blood can. So God becomes flesh and blood in response to our deep and aching need for Him. And though Jesus in His flesh is not walking the earth as He did during the days of the Gospel, He dwells in His flesh in every tabernacle on earth, and holds us from within every time we receive Him in Holy Communion. And this is why Bucalo can say with confidence that ‘His presence is the perfect and only prayer.’ His presence in the flesh - from the Incarnation until this very moment in the Holy Eucharist – is the answer to our need for wholeness.

We all have the ‘God-shaped hole’… we all have need of Him; we all have wounds and pain and longing; some of us have this ‘God-wound’ that makes the Father’s love seem distant and unreal. I can’t answer why these things happen in our lives to disfigure our understanding or belief in God’s love… but I can tell you that His Presence is the answer. So as you pray, and as you long for healing as I do, take five minutes today to just sit in His presence and let Him answer your cry by dwelling on the fact that He became flesh to hold YOU, knowing words are not enough.

Photo credit: http://mgniusa.org/testimony/