Serving God while I wait… What am I waiting for exactly?

Times and seasons of darkness or trial, or even just plain spiritual dryness, inevitably come into our lives. There are many songs, books, and circulating quotes of encouragement on social media that motivate us to serve God while we wait, or praise Him in the storm, or focus on the rainbow that comes after the rain, etc… whatever suits your fancy :-) But what exactly is it that we are waiting for? In our hearts and in our minds is the misconceived notion that we are waiting for God to do something; that we are just trying to get along until He shows up, striving as best as we can, continuing to serve Him, but mostly feeling as if we are failing or just want to give up. Essentially, we are waiting for God to come back to us. Um, excuse me? This is NOT okay! God never leaves, and it takes someone to leave in order for them to come back. What are we thinking? This is a problem!

This is a problem because we are believing a lie. Now, I am definitely not saying that those encouraging quotes, words, and songs are lying to us – not at all! They are true words of hope and encouragement. But it’s the way that we think about this ‘waiting’ that can be a problem if we don't have the right perspective. When we are in these times of difficulty or dryness, we tend to think of our ‘waiting on God’ as some sort of passive state in our life, that we don't have much to give because we're waiting on God to give us whatever we are longing for and we feel empty. We believe that this is a stagnant time. That is the problem. Waiting is far from passive. God is very much active at these times in our life. There is a purpose and meaning to each trial, experience, or spiritual season that we go through. We know this, and (if you are anything like me), somehow it still doesn't bring much comfort. We know intellectually that God is permitting or ordaining whatever we are experiencing for a reason, but we can’t see or understand it, so we get mad. We don’t like it. We want it to change because we don’t comprehend it. We spiritually pout. Spiritually sitting in a corner with our arms crossed waiting for God to come do something. Thus, even though we know He has a plan for what we are going through, our hearts feel lost and we still don’t feel motivated by the thought. This feeling we know all too well (of wanting to roll our eyes when we’re told ‘God has a plan in this for you’ and we know it, but it doesn’t help, so we don’t want to hear it) is because we still feel like this perceived waiting state that we are in is passive, but it is not! God is always actively working, moving, and breathing life into us. Always. Yes, always.

Therefore, we have to think not about the waiting (because it’s really not waiting in the way we think it is), but on the acting that God is doing in us. If we focus on waiting, we tend to become very susceptible to falling into laziness, thinking, "I'm just waiting on God to show up and trying to do my best until He gets here, until He changes something in my life." (Not that I know this from personal experience or anything….) But herein lies the problem! God has already shown up! He's already here; He's already living, breathing, and working in us! Just because we don't perceive it doesn't mean that there is not great work being accomplished. When someone is in surgery, there is much good being done to bring healing to the body… But while that person is unconscious, he's clearly not aware of it! He doesn’t know what’s happening as it’s happening, but he trusts that what is happening is for his good; knowing it is for his good.

I've learned and decided (quite recently) that in my own spiritual season of "waiting", I'm no longer focusing on waiting. I'm focusing on loving my God no matter where He has me, no matter how I feel about it, no matter whether I want it or not. Because in the end, I want what He wants. If He is working in me, who am I to argue about how He’s working? So what if He wants to work in silence, hiddenness, and imperceptibility? We are not really waiting for anything anyway, because God is constantly doing something for us. We have this sense and this desire as if we're waiting for God to grant some special grace, manifest His presence, or offer some other form of consolation. If we are sitting around waiting for this, we aren’t focused on the relationship with Him. We are waiting on the gifts, when the Giver is in our midst. And the thing is, He’s still giving gifts! But they are deeper, more meaningful, more conducive to uniting our hearts to His. We don’t always perceive what happens in the depths, but it is there where greatness dwells.

Therefore our focus needs to be – in all circumstances: “Lord, how am I being called to love You right now? How can I receive Your love in this time and grow in my relationship with You?” Love is not static… (true love, that is). It is always moving, changing, growing… so too, is (and should be) our love for God. It is always growing and moving and changing within us. Changing us. Therefore, should we be surprised when we go through seasons that cause our love to grow or change? Perhaps our prayer is going to (or needs to) take a different shape and form during various times in our life – more silence and less vocal prayer, or vice versa, etc.; not because what we were doing before wasn't good enough, or was better than what we're doing now, but that God is calling us to grow in a different way that requires us to surrender our own ideas and goals of what prayer looks like, or what service looks like. If He’s moving you, be open to what He wants. He wants us to let Him move us. Be moved!

So to summarize, I say: no more waiting! God is acting - however imperceptible it is – and it is changing our lives. Focus on how He is calling us to love Him and how to grow in the relationship we have with Him, regardless of the spiritual season we are in. There is life and purpose in all seasons. Sit with Jesus and let Him love you wherever you are, and let His love change you and draw you to Himself. Focus not on what you think you're waiting for, but on the relationship with Him. For if God is always here, working and moving within us (and He is), remember: we are never really waiting. 



*Photo source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/75571860@N06/13113325165

Harnessing the Power of the Holy Spirit

 

Again, much time has passed since I've last published a blog post... what a journey the past several months have been. But alas, it is time! Now is the time! For all of us, to harness the power of the Holy Spirit.

As usual, I like to start with understanding the meaning of any word that I use in a spiritual phrase, in order for all of us (myself included!) to understand the full meaning of it. The word 'harness' as a verb means: to bring under conditions for effective use; gain control over for a particular end.

With regards to the Holy Spirit, this means that we bring ourselves under His force or power. If we replace the word harness in the phrase at the end of the top paragraph with the first part of the definition, it reads: to bring under conditions for effective use [of] the power of the Holy Spirit.

But how exactly do we bring ourselves to a condition in which we can effectively use the power of the Holy Spirit? First, we have to trust Him, trust that His power is within us and is real and good. We can often let ourselves become overwhelmed by the world around us, the circumstances in which we live, the struggles that we have or find ourselves in, and can lose sight of the work God is doing or wants to do within us, because of what's going on outside of us.

Yes, the power of the Holy Spirit is within us, within our grasp, within or ability to use; but we still have to choose to use it. Because of our free with we have the ability to choose whether to cooperate with grace or reject it. More often than not, when we choose not to cooperate with grace, we end up in sin. To choose to cooperate with grace keeps us from sin and deception.

The devil works hard to keep us from harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit - why? Because when we cooperate with the grace of the Holy Spirit, we become holy! The Holy Spirit is the Sanctifier - to sanctify something means to make it pure, make it holy, full of sanctity. If the devil can keep us from cooperating with the Holy Spirit, he becomes the one with power over us instead of the Holy Spirit having power over us. We choose who we allow to have power over us by how we choose to cooperate (or not to cooperate) with God's grace.

To know that the Holy Spirit lives and works within us (by virtue of our baptism and confirmation especially), is the first step to cooperating with Him. There are torrents of grace right within our own soul!! The Holy Spirit is alive within us, present with His power to make us holy! We have to trust in His mission, the mission he was sent forth to accomplish at that first Pentecost nearly two thousand years ago when He came and dwelt with the apostles and disciples and holy women. Once Jesus ascended to the Father, the Holy Spirit was sent into the world to make us holy! Which brings us to the second part of the definition of harness: gain control over for a particular end. We gain control (obtain the power) of the Holy Spirit by allowing Him to gain control over us for a particular end: holiness. We were all created for Heaven, and to be in Heaven we need to be holy, therefore our goal is to become holy. The Holy Spirit will make us holy if we allow His power to take control of our lives instead of trying to control our lives ourselves.

So how do we cooperate with the power of the Holy Spirit? How to we harness it? To make it so that the Holy Spirits power can be effectively used  in us? We have to be docile. What does it mean to be docile? The definition of docile is: readily trained or taught; teachable. I believe that the key word here is readily. We have to be eager, pliable; in other words, to throw ourselves at the mercy of being trained and taught by the Holy Spirit. We can't exactly half-heartedly give ourselves, to be sort-of trained and taught - we have to be of the mindset to be readily teachable. To absorb whatever we are told, knowing that it is right and good. An analogy that might help us understand this better is perhaps a teacher-student relationship. If we are learning algebra, and we aren't being teachable - if we are constantly doubting what we are being taught, thinking maybe it's not right or as good as it should be, and not applying ourselves, we will get absolutely NO WHERE! No matter how much we make ourselves present, sit in class and listen, etc., if we don't have a teachable attitude, we won't learn. The same applies with the Holy Spirit; if we doubt His power, His goodness, and are constantly questioning Him instead of just allowing ourselves to absorb whatever He gives, He can't make us holy. We have to submit ourselves to our instructor.

To be docile, then, is like to being submissive. However, it is not to be understood that this submission is passive! No, it is a most active participation. We have to actively, readily apply ourselves, as we do when learning algebra. We have to make a choice, to decide (decide being an active verb) to be docile, teachable. If we listen, follow, and apply ourselves to the instructions given by a math teacher, we can do the work and the teacher has accomplished their mission. Each day we have apply ourselves. But if we do, and we listen to and follow the action of the Holy Spirit, we can do the work we need to do and the Holy Spirit's mission of making us holy is accomplished.

To speak of myself personally, I much too often fail in just the first step! It is difficult sometimes to remember that the Holy Spirit is within me, the power is already there, the teacher is in my midst, and ready to make me holy. When I feel that I've lost control, I start to panic! But really, that is the goal - to lose control, so that the Holy Spirit can gain control!

As I celebrated Pentecost this weekend, it was probably one of the most - if not THE most - powerful Pentecost celebrations of my life. Did I have some crazy powerful experience where I felt so palpably the presence of the Holy Spirit and His power in my life? Not exactly... but what I DID experience is the knowledge of His very real presence and power, even when I might not be able to feel it. We can't live off of how we feel, we have to live off of truth. We have to trust what we know to be true, and how we feel doesn't always (or I should say almost never!) reflects reality. My Pentecost was powerful because I had a renewed trust in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. I could see in many ways the fruits of His work, and could see my need to be more docile because He is always there and ready to help me accomplish the plan He has for me. His plan is holiness - that is the mission, that is the goal. Everything else along the way serves to help us achieve that end goal. If we keep the goal of holiness in the forefront of our thoughts, we can truly harness the power of the Holy Spirit, and see Him at work in our lives, within our very souls.

So let us, as we celebrate the Holy Spirit's presence this Pentecost season, remember to recognize His presence within us, to trust in His goodness, and to actively submit to His sanctifying work in our souls. Lastly, watch for game changers. Sometimes when I'm praying for something, God answers my prayer in ways that I definitely didn't expect, and would almost miss the clue if I wasn't trying to be teachable. Sometimes when He answers a prayer, it requires a little more work than we thought it would to obtain when He offers, but if it is what He wants, let Him teach you.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, not are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts are above your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:9

His plans for us are not the same as our plans for us - they are better, higher, holier. So if the Holy Spirit is throwing you a game changer, trust in His plan for your holiness and "do whatever He tells you"! (John 2:5).

 

Saint John Paul the Great – A Model for Holiness

Yesterday began the 9-day novena to St. John Paul leading up to his feast day on October 22! This man has always had a special place in my heart for a number of reasons. One, I share an ethnic bond with him; being half Polish myself, he’s always been ‘my Polish papa’. Two, he is a shining example of what it means to be unabashedly living every moment for Christ. I melt inside every time I look at a picture of this amazing Pope… why? His surrender to Christ, his willingness to embrace everything for the sake of The Church, for souls, for salvation, is so palpable – even in his pictures! Just looking at him makes me want to grow in holiness. The photos of him with his famous crucifix, head bowed in prayer, pressed to the Cross of Jesus Christ, reveals the intimacy he had with Jesus Crucified – again, an intimacy palpable even from a picture.

In a novena email that I received from a friend of mine for the first day, the meditation was on JPII’s famous words: “Be not afraid! Open wide the doors to Christ!” These are powerful words, but I am sure you can agree with me when I write that they are simple, yet tremendously hard (at times) to live out. We are often overcome by fear, and being human and desiring to be in control, we have an issue with complete surrender. Feeling the need to have a say in what we do, how we do it, how we live our life, as well as to be self-confident, independent, and proud of who we are, are some of the main stumbling blocks to our ability to give control to God – we become afraid of what we might lose, afraid of the judgments of others, afraid that we won’t be happy, etc. This is where our St. John Paul can shed some light…

He was a happy man! He greeted everyone with a smile on his face and joy in his heart! His love for Jesus, and Jesus’ love for him, spilled out onto all of those souls with whom he came in contact. Afraid of not being happy? Have you ever met anyone happier than a saint surrendered to Christ?! As we know, this doesn’t mean suffering won’t come our way, but suffering would come our way whether we were surrendered to Christ or not! It’s the human condition – not one person goes through this life without suffering. Better to have a Savior to suffer with, who first suffered for us, than to be alone in our suffering.

Afraid of what we might lose: Well, there is a lot we will lose, but it’s all stuff we’ll be happy to get rid of! Attachment to sins that weigh us down, vices such as anger, greed, jealousy, lust, etc., that torment us and keep our eyes fixed on worldly things when we really do want to keep them fixed on God… all of these will begin to melt away when we start to practice a life of surrender. Fear the loss of control? No need. The control we think we have over our lives is only an illusion. Anything can happen at any time in any part of our life and suddenly, we aren’t in control. We can’t control when or if we become ill, if we lose our job, if we lose a loved one, if the power goes out, if our car breaks down, and so on. The control we think we have is just that – we think we have it. Everything is a gift from God; it is all in His control anyway, and if some misfortune befalls us, He still has a plan for us in the midst of it – nothing is without purpose. Surrendering to God gives purpose to things we don’t understand, instead of us just becoming dismayed in the face of difficulty. Furthermore, in place of these things we lose, there is so much to be gained – peace, joy, understanding, grace, virtue… All these things replace the ‘losses’ of the sin, vice, worry and fear. A pretty amazing trade-off if you ask me!

That other fear I mentioned… the fear of the judgment of others… it is a real fear, and one that I struggle with personally. We are afraid of being ‘labeled’ as one of those Christians… over-zealous, Jesus-freak, blah, blah, blah… but look at John Paul: sure, he had his enemies, and plenty of people who didn’t like him, but look at the flocks of Christians around the world who loved him so much! He didn’t care about the people who thought he was crazy – he lived boldly for Christ and cared to bring others to want to live boldly for Christ too. He lived unabashedly for Jesus. I love that word ‘unabashedly’ – it holds such power. Its definition:

[i]Unabashedly:
Not ashamed, disconcerted, or apologetic; boldly certain of one's position.

That’s what I pray for – for myself and for the whole Church, that we would become unabashed in our relationship with Jesus Christ! We are all called to be saints and we have a man of our own times – Saint John Paul the Great – who succeeded in fulfilling that call. He was an ordinary man who loved skiing, play-writing, literature, poetry, and good times with good friends, but his first love was Jesus Christ; and in this, he was bold and unashamed. This, my brothers and sisters, is the life of a saint, and one that we can imitate. We must first love God above all things, and the rest is history.

One more note concerning attachment to human respect and affection… Jesus Christ himself was ridiculed and judged when He was here on earth and tells us ahead of time that we who follow Him will be treated in much the same way – but to not be discouraged, for this is our ticket to Heaven – this is how we know we are getting it right.

First, the warning:

[ii] “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.¹⁹ If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. ²⁰ Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also. ²¹ But all this they will do to you on my account, because they do not know him who sent me.”

Second, the promise:

[iii]“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Okay, we understand all of this, and much of this is not new knowledge to most who read this, but we still struggle with surrender! We get it, but why is it still so hard to do?! The secret is to know that surrender isn’t a one-time action; it wasn’t a one-time deal for John Paul and it’s not for us either. Surrender is something that we have to do every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and that’s what John Paul had to do too. If we think that this great saint made one act of surrender at some point in His life and that was it and then he was good to go and was able to live a holy life, we are fooling ourselves. We are human, we are fickle; we need reminders and renewals to make this life work. John Paul was no different. Each day, he abandoned himself to God. With each blessing, trial, work, sorrow, he made a new act of surrender. When he was elected Pope, don’t you think he had to surrender to God, entrusting that mission to Him? When he was shot and went through that suffering of being so hated and almost losing his life, don’t you think he had to surrender again, giving it all over to God? When he was filled with joy at the World Youth Days, being with all the young people of the Church, that work too he surrendered to God, letting Him move in the hearts of the young people. When he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, when he dealt with world problems, wars, and global leaders… surrender. When he was just having a rough day (like we all have)… surrender. It’s not a one-time thing, it’s a continual offering of ourselves to God. This is the road to sanctity; it’s in the little things each day, the surrender of each moment, letting God be the Lord of our life. Don’t be afraid to give your heart to Jesus Christ!

[iv]“Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. The kingdom of heaven is for those who are determined to enter it (cf. Lk 16:16; Mt 11:12)…Do not be afraid to be holy! Have the courage and humility to present yourselves to the world determined to be holy, since full, true freedom is born from holiness.”

~  Saint John Paul the Great, pray for us! That we will be determined to enter Heaven, to be holy, to be free!  ~

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[i] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/unabashedly

[ii] John 15:18-21

[iii] Matthew 5:10

[iv] Message of the Holy Father to Youth Meeting in Santiago de Compostela; http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/speeches/1999/august/documents/hf_jp-ii_mes_08081999_youth-compostela_en.html

Everything (literally, everything) is Connected

Today I witnessed how all of God’s creation testifies to His presence and power. My mom is teaching a class to homeschoolers called Great Lakes Shipping – a study of how ships travel through the five Great Lakes to their destinations, to deliver mail, cargo, etc. from all over the world. There are locks and channels that enable ocean liners to travel from the ocean through all five of the great lakes. She is teaching the kids about all of the channels, the different types of ships, how they travel, and some basic nautical and hydrographic terminology.

She had this very large map of Michigan and all the great lakes that she unrolled onto the family room floor, started studying it and making markings with a dry erase marker, noting things she wanted to point out to her students. In my interest to see the map and learn more myself, I sat on the floor with her and started examining the map. She was pointing out a graph in the corner of the map that shows the depths and shape of each lake. I examined the graph and then compared it to the markings on the lakes on the map. I noticed the outlines marking the various depths of different parts of the lakes and the small numbers printed on these lines. The graph from the corner said that the deepest point of Lake Michigan was 925 feet deep, yet I could only find a marking with the highest number being 140. I was curious… was this marking something other than depth? Did I misunderstand the chart? What was I missing?

Another indicator on another part of the map said that soundings (which is the depth indicator) are listed in fathoms. So, the next quest was to find out what a fathom was! Upon looking up the meaning of the word, we discovered that it means the measurement of about 6 feet in depth (or 1.8288 meters). Therefore, a depth of 140 fathoms equals about 840 feet. Now we were getting somewhere with understanding this map! We kept reading to discover the meaning and origin of the word… This description is copied & pasted from Wikipedia:

“A fathom (abbreviation: ftm) = 6 feet or 1.8288 metres, is a unit of length in the old imperial and the U.S. customary systems, used especially for measuring the depth of water.

There are two yards (6 feet) in an imperial fathom. Originally based on the distance between a man's outstretched arms, the size of a fathom has varied slightly depending on whether it was defined as a thousandth of an (Admiralty) nautical mile or as a multiple of the imperial yard. Formerly, the term was used for any of several units of length varying around 5–5 1⁄2 feet (1.5–1.7 m).

The name derives from the Old English word fæðm, corresponding to the old Frisian word "fadem" meaning embracing arms or a pair of outstretched arms.”

My mom was reading this information aloud to me from the webpage. As soon as she got to the end of the first sentence, saying that the term ‘fathom’ was used especially for measuring the depth of water, I stopped and said, “Hey, that must be where we get the word ‘unfathomable’ from!”

I immediately was drawn back to my many never-ending memories of reading the Diary of St. Faustina and how much the word ‘unfathomable’ is used to describe God’s mercy. If we were to define the word ‘unfathomable’ in nautical terms, I imagine it would read like: the depth of which cannot be measured. God’s mercy and love being so deep and so wide (reference also to the last part of the definition above: “meaning embracing arms or a pair of outstretched arms” – Jesus’s outstretched arms in His sacrifice on Calvary for us, to show us his ‘unfathomable’ love and mercy) that it cannot be measured. It cannot be fathomed! Fathoming is the act of measuring the depth of something in measurement of fathoms; thus fathomed is the act of having completed this task. This again from Wikipedia, helpful for understanding the hydrographic context of the meaning of the word ‘fathomed’:

“To measure the depth of shallow waters, boatmen used a sounding line containing fathom points, some marked and others in between, called deeps, unmarked but estimated by the user. Water near the coast and not too deep to be fathomed by a hand sounding line was referred to as in soundings or on soundings. The area offshore beyond the 100 fathom line, too deep to be fathomed by a hand sounding line, was referred to as offsoundings or out of soundings. A deep-sea lead, the heaviest of sounding leads, was used in water exceeding 100 fathoms in depth.”

I had always understood the meaning of ‘unfathomable’ to mean something along the lines of incomprehensible as in, cannot be understood, cannot be comprehended. It is true that God’s mercy and love is incomprehensible – we will never be able to fully understand it – however, this is not the only meaning of the word ‘unfathomable’. I know that I must have looked up the distinction and definition before, but understanding the meaning of the word ‘fathom’, its origin and the way it is still used today in measuring depth, brings a whole new understanding to the meaning of the word unfathomable – especially in reference to the love and mercy of God. It cannot be fathomed! It cannot be measured! It is without bounds, without end…

What is striking to me is its two-fold meaning as a measurement of depth, but also meaning outstretched arms, or embracing arms - in other words, the breadth - and I can’t help but picture the cross, and His outstretched, embracing arms spread wide.

“May Christ dwell in your hearts through faith, and may charity be the root and foundation of your life. Thus you will be able to grasp fully, with all the holy ones, the breadth and length and height and depth of Christ’s love.” ~Ephesians 3:17-18

Well, I certainly am not able to ‘grasp fully’ the depth and breadth of My Savior’s love, but I think I am grasping it a little better today, thanks be to the glory of His creation and how literally everything proclaims the majesty and power of Our God.

 “Truly, Jesus, I become frightened when I look at my own misery, but at the same time I am reassured by Your unfathomable mercy, which exceeds my misery by the measure of all eternity.” Diary of St. Fuastina, paragraph 66

“Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life.” Diary, 55

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fathom

The Diary of St. Faustina (Divine Mercy in My Soul)

The Holy Bible