A raw, honest, unfiltered explanation.
Sometimes situations happen in life that seem to suck the
life right out of you… it throws off your routine, robs you of your peace and
joy, planting anger and fear in its place. It can happen without you even
realizing it, until one day you discover how much change has occurred within
yourself due to the mass chaos of indescribable difficulties.
Sometimes I become so overwhelmed by injustice and pain, so
consumed by anxiety and hopelessness, that I feel like I can’t pray, or don’t
know how to pray, or feel like prayer won’t help me or my situation.
Discouragement sets in, and suddenly my soul feels stuck, like the feet of my
spirit were placed in wet cement and left there to dry and I just can’t get a
breakthrough. I try to read something inspiring or helpful from a spiritual perspective
to help me grab hold of some grace or peace; I try to change my prayer routine
or spend time with the Lord in a new or different way, hoping for a glimmer of
hope and light; and all of my efforts seem fruitless. I feel like nothing can
or will help me to keep my soul from utter despair…
The only remedy I’ve come across so far to at least temporarily regain some perspective is the Holy
Mass. I enter into the Mass in tears sometimes, bringing my worries and fears,
sadness and anger to Lord. I ask Him to help me and I just try to focus on my
life with Jesus and somehow, some of the burden melts away… I remember through
the grace of the Mass that all that matters is my relationship with Jesus, and then
fulfilling whatever it is that I’m called to do to share that with others. And
I have to trust Him with all the
things that I can’t control; all of the things that drive me crazy; all of the
things that threaten to destroy my peace, to destroy the inner union of my soul
with God. The Mass is a miracle. The Mass gives focus where it ought to be.
With God all things are possible, and even what I don’t understand, like, or even
want to tolerate, I have to believe
that God will take care of. And to remind myself that He is trustworthy…
And I have to keep reminding myself. And then remind myself
again. And again. And again. And I
have to approach Mass again and again; I have to look at Jesus and keep my eyes
fixed. I find a statue or image of Him in the church and I stare at it; I
fixate my gaze and just think of Jesus. And focus on loving Jesus. And focus on
His love back to me and that He will take care of me and all of my worries and
fears.
Hardship isn’t easy (hence the name ‘hardship’); and praying
through hardship can be just as much of a challenge as whatever heartache we
are struggling with. But the Mass is the first, biggest, and best remedy. And
while I might not leave Mass having anymore answers or resolutions, and will undoubtedly
still experience the plethora of emotions that come with any sort of suffering,
I do leave having been reminded of
the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He is trustworthy.
That He loves me. That He will make all things new. I just have to stay fixed
on Him (which can be a daily or hourly, or even moment-by-moment challenge).
But in those challenging moments, I will try to close my eyes and transport
myself in spirit to that moment during Mass when I encountered that reminder of
His faithfulness and realized that He is everything;
and that despite all the chaos of the situations around me, He continually
draws me to Himself, and my relationship with Him will fulfill all of my deepest needs and longings and
is more important and amazing than anything else.
"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore
me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth." Psalm 71:20
Photo source: https://worksofhisdaughter.wordpress.com/category/food-for-the-soul/
