Times and seasons of darkness or trial, or even just plain spiritual dryness, inevitably come into our lives. There are many songs, books, and circulating quotes of encouragement on social media that motivate us to serve God while we wait, or praise Him in the storm, or focus on the rainbow that comes after the rain, etc… whatever suits your fancy :-) But what exactly is it that we are waiting for? In our hearts and in our minds is the misconceived notion that we are waiting for God to do something; that we are just trying to get along until He shows up, striving as best as we can, continuing to serve Him, but mostly feeling as if we are failing or just want to give up. Essentially, we are waiting for God to come back to us. Um, excuse me? This is NOT okay! God never leaves, and it takes someone to leave in order for them to come back. What are we thinking? This is a problem!
This is a problem because we are believing a lie. Now, I am definitely not saying that those encouraging quotes, words, and songs are lying to us – not at all! They are true words of hope and encouragement. But it’s the way that we think about this ‘waiting’ that can be a problem if we don't have the right perspective. When we are in these times of difficulty or dryness, we tend to think of our ‘waiting on God’ as some sort of passive state in our life, that we don't have much to give because we're waiting on God to give us whatever we are longing for and we feel empty. We believe that this is a stagnant time. That is the problem. Waiting is far from passive. God is very much active at these times in our life. There is a purpose and meaning to each trial, experience, or spiritual season that we go through. We know this, and (if you are anything like me), somehow it still doesn't bring much comfort. We know intellectually that God is permitting or ordaining whatever we are experiencing for a reason, but we can’t see or understand it, so we get mad. We don’t like it. We want it to change because we don’t comprehend it. We spiritually pout. Spiritually sitting in a corner with our arms crossed waiting for God to come do something. Thus, even though we know He has a plan for what we are going through, our hearts feel lost and we still don’t feel motivated by the thought. This feeling we know all too well (of wanting to roll our eyes when we’re told ‘God has a plan in this for you’ and we know it, but it doesn’t help, so we don’t want to hear it) is because we still feel like this perceived waiting state that we are in is passive, but it is not! God is always actively working, moving, and breathing life into us. Always. Yes, always.
Therefore, we have to think not about the waiting (because it’s really not waiting in the way we think it is), but on the acting that God is doing in us. If we focus on waiting, we tend to become very susceptible to falling into laziness, thinking, "I'm just waiting on God to show up and trying to do my best until He gets here, until He changes something in my life." (Not that I know this from personal experience or anything….) But herein lies the problem! God has already shown up! He's already here; He's already living, breathing, and working in us! Just because we don't perceive it doesn't mean that there is not great work being accomplished. When someone is in surgery, there is much good being done to bring healing to the body… But while that person is unconscious, he's clearly not aware of it! He doesn’t know what’s happening as it’s happening, but he trusts that what is happening is for his good; knowing it is for his good.
I've learned and decided (quite recently) that in my own spiritual season of "waiting", I'm no longer focusing on waiting. I'm focusing on loving my God no matter where He has me, no matter how I feel about it, no matter whether I want it or not. Because in the end, I want what He wants. If He is working in me, who am I to argue about how He’s working? So what if He wants to work in silence, hiddenness, and imperceptibility? We are not really waiting for anything anyway, because God is constantly doing something for us. We have this sense and this desire as if we're waiting for God to grant some special grace, manifest His presence, or offer some other form of consolation. If we are sitting around waiting for this, we aren’t focused on the relationship with Him. We are waiting on the gifts, when the Giver is in our midst. And the thing is, He’s still giving gifts! But they are deeper, more meaningful, more conducive to uniting our hearts to His. We don’t always perceive what happens in the depths, but it is there where greatness dwells.
Therefore our focus needs to be – in all circumstances: “Lord, how am I being called to love You right now? How can I receive Your love in this time and grow in my relationship with You?” Love is not static… (true love, that is). It is always moving, changing, growing… so too, is (and should be) our love for God. It is always growing and moving and changing within us. Changing us. Therefore, should we be surprised when we go through seasons that cause our love to grow or change? Perhaps our prayer is going to (or needs to) take a different shape and form during various times in our life – more silence and less vocal prayer, or vice versa, etc.; not because what we were doing before wasn't good enough, or was better than what we're doing now, but that God is calling us to grow in a different way that requires us to surrender our own ideas and goals of what prayer looks like, or what service looks like. If He’s moving you, be open to what He wants. He wants us to let Him move us. Be moved!
So to summarize, I say: no more waiting! God is acting - however imperceptible it is – and it is changing our lives. Focus on how He is calling us to love Him and how to grow in the relationship we have with Him, regardless of the spiritual season we are in. There is life and purpose in all seasons. Sit with Jesus and let Him love you wherever you are, and let His love change you and draw you to Himself. Focus not on what you think you're waiting for, but on the relationship with Him. For if God is always here, working and moving within us (and He is), remember: we are never really waiting.
*Photo source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/75571860@N06/13113325165
